/ NDX / RCHVS / GSTBK /

NOTES / JRNL / HST / E-ML /

04.28.05 @ 7:58 PM
PRV / NXT

we stood a mile apart while the wind blew and whipped our hair back to us
dry hands i don't know to let go or to hold on
exlovers. kissing me like the clouds try to get between us
kissing lips that split too easily
turn your wrists around
forty stories high
still afraid of god.

bad throats, tell me if this is empty or overflowing
can't tell if this is real
and i try to write it out. try to get,
get it down
a scarf wrapped around flowerstem necks
around tissue paper skin
burning out around evening
for what
always running too scared
so... just run back before you get too far
gets too far to make it back home still
put together something out of dust i guess
put together our atoms that leap out at one another

'course this just stirs shit up
'course i still don't know what love is
still tripping all the way out of my dreams
right into morning
still falling right out to wake up on the ground
trying to wake up lost again
we just grab whatever's near us to build our walls most mornings anyway
usually it's our own depression

the desert flies buzz with the vultures
over some dead animal
i try to tell you stories with tails that swirl behind them
in the end i just drag you around in circles with me
letting go of your hand in the sun
sitting around with confusion hanging around my head
like wrecking balls

on the bus listening to exit music
thom yorke saying wake from your sleep
today we escape
tomorrow we try and drown
tomorrow we off ourselves
listening to 90s songs
what they played while we were growing up
this generation of... fast food packages-microwave wonders-playbyplay sports on tv-instant internet connections
that's us, yeah
studying the feeling of being spun in each other's nets
talk show host over and over again
my best friend's boyfriend getting a catscan
you want me. fucking, come on and break the door down

can't even figure out love on our own
passing by dark stores with water-filled chambers
is everyone from another planet
a girl with a baby pushes out her tits for a dealer
the world starts speaking a language that is just
scribbles along the walls
that is just
long soundwaves that stretch out to form the staff of your music books
karate matches in the backyard

hold on to your breath kid
heart burning a hole through your skin.